For those of you who’ve tried to lose weight and get healthy and keep it off, you know what I’m talking about. Food is a necessary to sustain ourselves and keep us healthy. But for someone who has a history of relying on food to manage stress, deal with emotions, etc it is a double edged sword. Such as been the trial for me over the last couple of weeks.

As I shared a few weeks ago I had a major job change in September. The new job is actually going pretty well, but it is still a major adjustment and thus a big source of stress. My husband has been having some medical issues as well as my brother. The first few weeks in dealing with all this I was a champ: not eating my stress (though I may have “retailed” my way a bit lol) and relying on my workouts to manage my emotions. But then I began to feel the stress getting the better of me. And stepping on the scale every week seemed to be stressing me even more.

About a year ago I tried a variation of the Weight Watchers plan called Simply Filling. On this plan, you eat off of a specific list of foods (called “no count foods”, formerly known as “power foods”), and so long as you stick with that list (lean proteins, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, fat free dairy and a few other things), you don’t have to track. You are given your weekly allowance of points but no dailies. The only things you track are any foods you eat that are not on that list, which come out of your weekly points (or any Fitpoints you earn). It is a very healthy way of eating, steering you away from processed foods for the most part. The catch to this plan is that you are supposed to eat to satisfaction and no further. It forces you to be very aware of your hunger signals. It worked very well for me last year, so I decided to give it a try again, thinking it would help to take away some of the stress, not having to track everything all the time. I also decided to take a break from the weekly weigh-ins, hoping that would help me to focus and worry less about the scale number over the next month.

Over the last 1-2 weeks though the wheels have completely fallen off. The wagon is on the ground, with no wheels. Picture Oregon Trail, 2 broken wheels, no supplies and your entire party has died of typhoid, cholera or dysentery. Not. Going. Anywhere. I was eating anything and everything I could get my hands on, even when I knew I wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to stuff myself, and I didn’t care. I was eating in a way I hadn’t eaten in 5 years. It was starting to really scare me.

I woke up this morning reflecting on the past couple of weeks. I became very fearful that this was that moment in which the snowball started which led to me gaining back all 120 pounds I have lost. I have for a long time had an irrational fear about gaining it all back overnight. This morning that fear felt even more real. I had to figure out a way to get it back together. With that, I first decided that I needed to step on the scale. I was certain that I had gained several pounds and that seeing that number would help to shake me out of this slump and get me back on track. I was dreading it, but felt it had to be done. I also decided to go back to tracking normally. Clearly I couldn’t be trusted right now to eat based upon my hunger cues. I felt foolish for believing this would be a good time to go back to that strategy.

So against the promise I had made to myself 2 weeks ago, and to the protest of my husband, I pulled out the scale from the “out of sight out of mind” place I had put it, and stepped on. To my astonishment, I was 5 pounds DOWN from my last weight in at Weight Watchers! It was first thing this morning, I hadn’t eaten or drunk anything yet, and was wearing summer PJs, all of which probably made it a little more favorable, but still, I couldn’t believe my eyes. I stepped off and back on to be sure, and yep, same result. Relief washed over me. I still don’t understand how it happened. I have had things like this before, I joke about living in “opposite land” sometimes, where I think I do great and gain or think I have a terrible week and see a loss. But never have I had a period of time this disastrous since I started WW. Perhaps the different foods I was focusing on with Simply Filling made the difference, even though I was still eating too much. Maybe I was the several pints of Halo Top I had eaten last week (THE best light ice cream by the way if you haven’t tried it…clearly I should not keep it in the house) tricking my body lol. I kept to my exercise routine through this chaos which I’m sure helped. I don’t have an explanation but am so grateful and have been thanking God all day that I’ve somehow come through this without doing too much damage. I know that the consequences could still show up on the scale, as they sometimes take a week or 2 to manifest, but at least for now I’m not in such a terrible place, on the scale and mentally.